in my Father's house...

Yesterday I read Luke 2 and a passage that I have read over and over again my entire life stuck out to me in a new way this time.

⁴¹ Every year Jesus’ parents went to Jerusalem for the Festival of the Passover. ⁴² When he was twelve years old, they went up to the festival, according to the custom. ⁴³ After the festival was over, while his parents were returning home, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem, but they were unaware of it. ⁴⁴ Thinking he was in their company, they traveled on for a day. Then they began looking for him among their relatives and friends. ⁴⁵ When they did not find him, they went back to Jerusalem to look for him. ⁴⁶ After three days they found him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. ⁴⁷ Everyone who heard him was amazed at his understanding and his answers. ⁴⁸ When his parents saw him, they were astonished. His mother said to him, “Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you.”

⁴⁹ “Why were you searching for me?” he asked. “Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?” ⁵⁰ But they did not understand what he was saying to them.

⁵¹ Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart. ⁵² And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man.

When I first read the highlighted verse, I thought to myself, "Jesus, you should have known that your parents would be worried!  Why did you just 'sneak off' like that??"  Then I realized that Jesus was having his moment of "rebellious independence"!  Even good little homeschooled Christian girls like me have that time in their life where one needs to make a move to branch out from their childhood routine, often times at expense of their worried parents.  

The temple was Jesus's "Father's house".  It was the first place where He seemed to take ownership of His ministry and the plans for His life.  And I wondered to myself, "What is my 'Father's house'?"  It doesn't necessarily have to be a place of moving out of my parents' home...it can be that place (or moment, or circumstance, or choice) where one moves on from what is holding them back in their ministry/purpose/dreams.  

You can't navigate the caves on your own...

Wow, if you knew Leanne you would be as surprised as me that she posted so many posts faster than me!  Click there to see some pics of my time at Samaritan's Purse Christmas present handout!

It's so weird to live a life where I have lots of down time yet I find it so hard to write blog posts because of all the thinking I am doing and all the lessons God is teaching me!  There is so much I wish I could share with the world but I will have to limit it to one thing I want to share most.  Please be prepared for a bit wordy of a story below, as I want to write this out more for my own benefit than anything.  Also, I am going to be entirely honest about my thoughts involved with this experience.

Two weeks ago, Hannah and I went with our (then) newly arrived team from Simpson University to Bongolo Hospital.  One of the coolest things that a few members of the team and I did was go caving in the extensive underground caves below the hospital and village.  It turns out that "caving" was much more than just walking around in some dark caves.  I knew I had gotten myself into something much more involved when we came to the 'entrance' of the caves and our leader told us to crawl on our hands in knees--in the mud--into a two-foot-high opening under the rock.

By the time we reached the first chamber where we could stand up, one of the girls on our team was having a hard time with our situation.  Her panic was obvious in her voice, and she demanded that we pray before we moved on.  Finally, after promising that we would go as slow as she needed, we continued on.

Let me add in a bit of a precursor to this experience by saying that as we went into this adventure, I was expecting of myself to be a leader and supporter of the other members of the group.  I figured that my experience with adventure-esque things [aka growing up in Colorado] would make me one of the stronger explorers on our team.  But as we began to navigate through the caves, I found it difficult to do much to guide the other people from the group because my head lamp was one of the dimmest ones of the group.

After about half an hour of wading through knee-deep pools, climbing up narrow rock chambers, and crawling through mud, we came to a large open chamber.  Brett, our leader (a team leader who grew up in Bongolo as an MK) had us turn off all of our lights.  In the pitch darkness that surrounded us, he gave us the analogy of how our sin is like the darkness that surrounded us, and until someone turned on the "light" (Jesus) that people wander in the darkness all their lives.

Friends, from that moment when he switched on the little flashlight, flooding the room with light, something in my brain clicked.  That simple message (which I have heard numerous times) impacted me like baseball being thrown at my head.  I was struck with the reality that I hold the ability, the power (from Christ) in my hands to turn on that light to people that I know.  And I wondered to myself, "How many times have I held that flashlight in my hands and not turned on the light for someone wandering around in the darkness?"

Everything that happened for the rest of the time was symbolic for me about faith, my walk with Christ, and a Christian's role in the world.  From things as little as who in our group had the brightest light, who brought up the rear, and even changes in attitudes about the experience in different people all had symbolic meaning for me.

Perhaps someday I can share with any of you in person some of the things I learned, as I just don't have the time or words to type up all those lessons.  But that night as I shared about my experience during team debrief, tears ran down my face as I was honest about my realizations about my outlook on my own spiritual walk.  One of the biggest lessons that I learned I will share here.  As I mentioned, I from the group had the dimmest light, which prevented me from being the leader that I thought I would need to be.  Instead, I found myself relying on the other people in the group and the light that they shared to guide my steps.  The literal experience of relying on my teammates for light was humbling because usually I like to get through experiences on my own strength without accepting help from other people.  That experience symbolized to me, though, that in my spiritual walk I am just as dependent on other Christians for support as they are dependent on me.  Since going to Nyack I have seen my need to be more open to honest Christian community, one in which I can and will ask my brothers and sisters in Christ for prayer and for help.  For too long I have been relying on my own (dim) light to find my way through the "dark caves".

You can't navigate the caves on your own.  Ultimately, we need the light of the Christ to guide our steps.  But God gave us the Church (worldwide, multicultural, all creatures of our God and King) to be that light of the world and to "navigate the caves together".

there's no place like "home" :)

bonjour world!!!  did you know that I can speak franglais?

I arrived in Libreville two days ago.  After two long flights (although this time around not nearly as nerve-racking as last year) it felt good to walk on solid Gabonese ground again.  I must admit that feeling the hot humidity and breathing in the polluted air brought me joy, as there is no place I have experienced such an environment except this beloved city.

Words cannot describe the feelings I experienced when I walked out of the double doors from gathering my luggage into the common area at the airport.  All of my OSPAC family, plus Alace and Steve Straw, as well as Leanne and Hannah were all there and bombarded me with hugs.  I was given a HUGE mango as a welcoming gift from the OSPAC team, and we all went out to pizza for dinner!  I wish I could speak French well enough to have told them how much the experience meant to me.

This time around I have had a harder time adjusting to the time difference, but despite being pretty worn out everyday, I am filled with so much joy as I go about life here in Gabon again.

Today I went with Leanne and the OSPAC gang to a village out in the jungle to hand out Operation Christmas Child gifts.  It was awesome being on the other side of the operation and getting to hand the gifts to the children.  It isn't Christmas but they were obviously filled with much cheer as they received the gifts.

Also today we had a team from Simpson College arrive.  They will be here for three weeks, so we look forward to bonding with them!  On Monday we go down to Bongolo for the week, so look for an update sometime in the next two weeks!

wow...a year later?!?!

I cannot convey to you the feelings I am experiencing right now as I think that it was a year ago that I was in Gabon...I had 23 days left in that wonderful country, and I was dreading that the end of my internship was near.  Quite clearly I remember the last day I spent in Libreville...the conversations I had, the tears that were shed, and how everyone said that I was coming back.

Despite the fact that I committed to returning to Gabon even before asking the Lord what His will was, God was gracious and blessed me immensely again by providing for me to return to Gabon this summer!  My visa came back to me uncharacteristically quickly and all of my funds were provided for.  Even this past weekend as I finished up finals and packed up all of my belongings I have seen God's hand in every situation.

When people ask how I feel about going back, I say, "I'm so happy I could throw up!"  I just don't know how to express my excitement.  Think of a time that you were going to see someone that you loved very dearly...or of a time when you were going to eat your favorite meal, or go to your favorite place...I don't even know!  All of those things are going to be happening for me in two days!  And ask much as I hate flying (and this 24 hour trip is brutal) I know that when I land I will be in the hot, humid country I love so much.

I don't know if I will be able to blog while I am there, but I will certainly share thoughts from this trip either from the field or when I get back to the States in June.  After Gabon I will stop in Paris for a week to visit the ENvision site there!  The song I could sing is "God You are so good to me!  La la la la so good to me!!"

Gabon in America!

Six months ago when I left Gabon I felt like a piece of my heart was staying behind in that country. I never imagined that half a year later I would still be able to close my eyes and smell, see, even taste and feel experiences that I had while I was there. This past weekend I stood in church and was able to close my eyes and inhale the familiar scent of my Mama Jeannine (above picture on the left) but this time it was for real! Three of the Gabonese I became very close are here in America for a few weeks and I was so blessed to be able to spend some time with them!

A shout-out to Mark, Amy, Miranda, Sydney, and Amber Anderson--this wonderful family drove up to Nyack from their home in New Jersey, fed me, gave me a bed, even clothed me in some cases. Mark was one of the eleven guys who came on our first time during my stay and it was great to spend time with him and his family, as well as getting to see all of the other guys who came out. (Clarification, the Gabonese came to their church for a weekend conference).

We drove back to New Jersey on Thursday night and on Friday afternoon we were given the task of taking our friends to Walmart! My heart was racing as we walked into the door of the home they were staying in. They were just finishing up a small meeting but we were given permission to interrupt so I walked to the doorway and looked in to see Mama sitting on the couch. She saw me and jumped up, rushing over saying, "Ah, ah, Olivia, Olivia!" And I can say that being back in her hug once again, crying on her shoulder, was one of the best moments of my year. It was like a full circle--the same thing that happened when we parted and now the same thing happening again as we were reunited. Along with her had come her husband, Papa/Pastor Jean-Marc and another pastor, Jacob (reuniting with them was no less joyful).

Over the course of the weekend we took our Walmart shopping trip, attended all three church services, which were a mixture of American and then the few Gabonese elements made even more awesome by the team of guys wearing their shirts they received as gifts in Gabon. On Sunday afternoon we went down with the three Gabonese and some other people to Philadelphia where we handed out a hot meal to homeless people. Mama Jeannine was amazed at all of the people that were there with no homes. She told me that the idea is somewhat foreign to them because in Gabon most people have extended family who will take care of them if need be, so people in Gabon may very well be poorer than homeless people here in America but they are still part of a community and are taken care of.

So anyways, the gist of this post is that I still miss everything about Gabon. I want to go back and I am praying about what God has in store in that area. And again I am amazed at how He blesses me. And He has plans for our futures that we can't imagine. As I left Gabonese soil I didn't imagine that six months later I'd be reunited with some of that family.

thanks, God.

Thanks, God

Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow. (James 1:17)



Enter His gates with thanksgiving; go into His courts with praise. Give thanks to Him and praise His name. (Psalm 100:4)

The other day I was thinking about Gabon (no duh) and I realized something. It's sort of an interesting thought going through my head, because in one sense it doesn't seem legit, and in another sense it is very apparent to me that I have not done something that I need to do. And that is to say "thank you" to God for the incredible gifts He gave me with Gabon.

From the beginning of this experience I was thanking God for everything, so grateful for this opportunity, which had been a dream for so long and was now becoming real. Even as I was there in Gabon I thanked God (especially as I fell in love with it all) for the people I knew, the experiences I had, even the hardships I faced that were opportunities to trust Him.

But since I have been back, I realize now that my (strong) pining to return to Gabon has been consuming my thoughts, often blocking out other emotions or thought processes that I should be having. And, to put it simply, I haven't been approaching any thoughts about Gabon with a thankful attitude. Instead, I want more, I want to go back, I dream about that, instead of really focusing on being grateful for the time He did give me.

And while I have been working on making this right in my heart, I wanted to publicly thank Him for this. Not sure what else to say than...

thanks, God.

And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. (Ephesians 5:20)



So to my family in Gabon (the missionaries, my house-mates, interns, teams, Gabonese friends):

Dear brothers and sisters [in Gabon], [I] can't help but thank God for you, because your faith is flourishing and your love for one another is growing. (2 Thessalonians 1:3)

I always thank my God as I remember you in my prayers... (Philemon 1:4)

Video montage...