Crap white girls say:

"I'm going to travel the world!" 

If I am being completely honest with you, then I'll tell you that I think all the time about travelling the world.  When I met a man on a bus in NYC who told me how average, everyday people can get to Antarctica, I thought God was giving me a sign that my dream to set foot on every continent would come true.

It's easy to fuel a "passion for travel" or "wanderlust" with travel magazines, cozy corners in bookstores with travel books and guides, and, best of all, the lovely "Travel" category on Pinterest.  Quintessential photos of beautiful young women backpacking alone through the streets of Thailand or the Swiss Alps make you think, "That could be me!"

About two weeks ago, I saw with my own eyes one of those quintessential young women.  My family was eating some authentic American food [aka Dominoes Pizza] on a busy street here in Delhi.  This particular strip of the street is "home" to some well-known American chains, so it isn't uncommon to see other "whities" (as I fondly call my fellow race-mates) coming out of Dunkin Donuts or McDonalds.  But when a white woman in her early twenties, blonde as can be, walked in alone, lugging her backpack and a purse with her, I immediately said to my family, "Wow, look at that girl."

Wow, look at that girl.  This is a phrase, folks, that I could use in two ways when referring to a beautiful, blonde, well-dressed white girl who is backpacking by herself through India.  In America, with my naively Pinterest-shaped world-view, I might say, "Wow, look at that girl" with awe and lots of envy as she sets off with a smile on her face and big dreams to conquer the world.  But friends, while I was sitting at that table across from her in the freezing AC of a Dominoes in Delhi, India, I said, "Wow, look at that girl" with lots of hesitation and fear for her.

To clarify, I will say this: Western women (Americans, Europeans)...value the "equality" and respect that you have.  Most of the women in this world are either a) seen as sex objects b) do all the work without receiving any credit for it, and c) not seen as anything at all.  A majority of Indian women believe that it is ok for their husbands to beat them.  I have lived in an African country carried on the backs of women while the men sit around all day drinking alcohol.  And in every non-Western country I have visited, I have experienced what it is like to be seen as a beautiful white body and nothing more.  I knew as I stared at that brave young woman that she was probably realizing just as fast as I had that on the streets of Delhi you will have a lot of eyes staring at you and that the smiles of the men passing you are not "friendly" ones.

I want to pause here to say something very important, though.  I love India!  I love Gabon!  I have thoroughly enjoyed so much about the experiences I have had in these types of cultures, and I still want to visit more!  The things that I have least enjoyed, though, are how men stare at me and call out to me and whistle at me and rub up against me in crowded places.  I don't enjoy walking down the road that was the site of an international-news-making gang rape.  I wish I could tell my sister to just "go explore" this amazing city, yet I haven't told her that because I don't want to chance anything happening to her.

The point I am trying to make is that while I DO believe that people should travel more, and I believe they should travel to places like Delhi or Libreville, and I don't think that anyone should let fear keep them from experiencing other cultures, I have faced the hard realities of travel.  Sometimes you aren't welcomed.  People aren't always as nice as you expect they should be.  And truly, as a young woman, there are some situations where I could be (and have been) in more danger that I had expected.

Why am I writing this post?  I'm thinking that right now...I'm thinking about how my parents or grandparents might read it and get freaked out about me travelling alone as much as I do.  I'm thinking about women who have successfully traveled alone in all sorts of sketchy places and might say, "It worked for me, what's wrong with you?".  I'm thinking about how you might misinterpret everything I've said and think that the dangers of travel have scared me off.  I'm thinking about how bad it would be if I have instilled fear into you to travel more.

But at the same time, these are things I've been thinking about these last few weeks.  I want to share with anyone who reads this that I have discovered that the world can sometimes be a little scarier than you think.  It's awesome and beautiful and interesting and vibrant and the diversity has taught me so much about God...but it not heaven and  bad things can happen.  Dreams are great, and I say, "go for it!", but be safe at the same time.

I have found this article to be really helpful, and I agree with pretty much all of it.   It is so easy to visit cultures that are SO different from our own and almost forget that the people there are people.  When I remember that, I start to have less fear because at the core of us all is humanity.

Anyways, that's what I've been thinking about.  

The Development - Part 2

So I realized that I forgot to mention something really important in my last post!! Oh silly me. Around the same time that I was applying through Envision to go to Gabon, my grandma got me in contact with another missions sending organization that takes interns at a medical-type base in Honduras. Pretty much the way that set up works is different medical teams come down to this site to offer clinics for the locals. As an intern, I would be assisting the on-site pharmacist, helping out the teams, and working with the children. About end of October the pharmicist called me to give me all the information and, seeing as I knew nothing about the Africa situation, the Honduras opportunity was sounding very appealling. But after the conversation I didn't know for sure if I was accepted for the internship or not...

So the first week of November was when everything got crazy! It was on either November 1 or 2 that I went to the computer lab at school to print some stuff. While I was there I checked my e-mail and found two e-mails of great importance. One was from B. (the Envision contact). I had asked her what sort of work I would be doing in Gabon and she responded in this way:

"There are various things you will opportunities to involve yourself in Gabon . . . medical ministry, AIDS work, relief projects, attending to people’s physical needs, and anything else that needs to be done or a missionary needs help with."

I think my heart rate increased by twenty beats per minute as I read that. As someone who is considering medical missions for a career, those words held much promise and excitement.

But then I read the next e-mail, which was from the pharmacist in Honduras. She was confirming that I was indeed accepted as the intern if I could come.

Ok, so now I feel the need to state what was going on inside my head as simply as I can (not very easy, considering that my mind was working at 200 mph). Here I was in a situation where I was accepted to go to Honduras and serve with this super awesome lady I had been in contact with. I knew exactly what I would be doing, where I would be staying...every detail I needed to be at peace about it. But then here was this short paragraph from B. telling me that if I was accepted to go to Envision I might be able to do something related to what I want to do with my life!

I'm not going to even try to explain the stress my mind and emotions went through that week. I was pretty much waiting to hear from Envision all week as to 1) whether I was completely accepted to go to Gabon and 2) more detail on what I would be doing. But I knew that I had to give Honduras an answer by the end of the week because they were waiting for me to make a decision. So by the end of the week I was still at a loss as to what to do. Should I just tell Honduras "yes" and scrap waiting on Africa? Should I wait a little longer? What if Africa fell through and Honduras found a different intern?

I just want to pause to give thanks where thanks is due. I know thanks is due first and foremost to God. For like, everything. Without the His miracles and faithfulness none of this would have happened (obviously). Secondly I know that my family really supported me through it all. Well, my parents did that is (more to come on that topic later). They were there to listen to me whenever I had to think through my thoughts.

Oh, there is still so much to write about! But I'll save the money story for later as well as the story of The Decision!

The Development - Part 1

So while I have a few spare minutes I thought I'd write up a bit on the story of development of the trip. It's not a very interesting story but some parts of it are pretty cool. Or at least I think so.

So it all began this past summer. For many reasons I thought it would be a good idea to look into doing some sort of missions trip before I go to school in the fall. Right now I am pursuing nursing but I am definitely having doubts about it. So I thought, why don't I try to do a medical missions trip just to get a feel for cross-cultural missions?

It turns out that I discovered that I could graduate from high school in December as opposed to May because I have fulfilled all of my credits at the end of this semester. So I began to look into doing something the entire spring semester instead of going to school. At first, it was a fruitless search. I looked online at some orphanages that take volunteers. I knew that YWAM was an option...but an expensive one to say the least. It was quite a discouraging search.

However, around September things changed. One Sunday after church Dad called me over to where he was talking with a man I hadn't seen before. He introduced him to me as a staff at an office called Evision. Pretty much what Envision is is a sending office through The Christian and Missionary Alliance. They send 18-30 year olds from 2 weeks to 2 years to do all different types of service. There are several locations to go to and several different ways to serve. After having a brief discussion with this man I got enough information to get on the website and fill out an application. About a week later a woman (who I will simple call B.) e-mailed me with a more extensive application. Thus began about a month long process of filling out papers and asking people to write recommendation letters.

Around the end of October all the papers were filled out and all the letters were in. But the stress had just begun...and since this post is getting quite long I'll save that part for another time.

I don't know exactly...

Ok, so I know what you are thinking. At least, it is the first (or sometimes second) question people ask me when they find out I'm going to Gabon. "What exactly are you going to be doing there?" I usually respond with "I don't know exactly what I will be doing...but...". The other question I get is "How long will you be there?" That I can answer. About three months starting sometime in February. I think it's funny when people look slightly shocked and note that that is a "long time" considering that originally I had hoped to be going away for 4-6 months. Unfortunately I can't afford to go away for that long, but I'll take what I get. And I have been given a lot.

For my own purposes I am going to write out the whole story of the development of this trip on this blog. I like to record memories and already some of the details of how this all came to be are escaping me. To tell the truth, what has been happening in my life the past few months are some of the most amazing things that have ever happened to me. So I want to remember it forever as well as share the story with anyone interested enough to read about it. It's a pretty long story, though, so I'm going to write it up and post it in sections. More to come...